Monday, March 28, 2011

More Migraine Meditations

Last week I had a couple more migraines. I went around for a couple of days feeling pretty angry about it. And also feeling on edge because I didn't know when another one was coming. Would I have one during worship? During an important meeting? As I shared a couple weeks ago, there is really no predicting them because there are no definitive triggers. There is no controlling them.

After getting tired of being angry a question came to mind: Can I , somehow, give thanks for my migraines? One of my spiritual practices is to look for the blessing in every situation ~ even the really crappy ones. Maybe I could find a blessing in my migraines.

While I'm not sure if stress always brings them on, perhaps my migraines can help me take notice when my life is out of balance. Perhaps they are an opportunity for me to slow down and reflect on which area in my life might need attention. Am I sleeping enough? Getting enough exercise? Eating well? Am I having enough fun?

Each morning, as part of my devotions, I pray Wesley's Covenant Prayer. One line of the prayer affirms, "I am no longer my own, but Thine." If I am God's, then my migraines belong to God as well. And if my migraines belong to God, then what use is there in trying to control them myself? There is nothing I can do to prevent myself from having a migraine on a Sunday morning ~ or anytime ~ so what is the sense in worrying about it?

So this is my commitment: I release myself from worrying about my migraines and I give them to God. And I will use the energy I spend worrying about my migraines to taking care of myself so I can do God's work in the world. Because no matter how much I want to control things, the truth is that I am no longer my own.... in fact, I never was.

Monday, March 21, 2011

Late Thirties

It is official. I am now in my late-thirties. Well, I could probably argue to hold on to 'mid-thirties' for another year, but considering how long I held on to 'early-thirties' I should probably just accept it. I am well on my way to 40!

As a child, 'thirties' seemed so old! I thought my parents were hopelessly ancient when they were in their mid-thirties. Being around them seemed almost embarrassing. Yet I still feel young and.... well, probably not hip, but at least not totally out of it. But the truth is that I am out of it. I am not hip. I am not cool. Ben probably feels embarrassed when forced to be seen with me! But I am happy.

Last week I was visiting my Mom for my birthday. She still feels young, and I do too. My Gram still felt young when she was in her eighties. What a gift!

So, I am happy to be 36 this year. Happy Birthday to me! And 40.... here I come! (But first lets hit 37, 38, and 39!)