Last Monday I turned 35. Considering all the angst that accompanied turning 30, I eased in to 35 with barely a thought. In fact, 35 feels good. I feel hopeful and excited about the future. Life, in fact, seems full of possibilities...... possibilities that have been missing from my life for quite a while.
My counselor explained to me that people with PTSD are often unable to look to the future with any real hope. For the past several years the future was there for me, but not something I could look forward to in any real sense.... It is difficult to explain. It seemed like the years stretching ahead of me simply needed to be survived. Life had already been decided for me and all I could do was live it.
Now, though, I am able to dream and vision and make plans. There is so much life ahead of me and I can't wait to embrace it. Who knows where I will end up or what I might do with the rest of my life. I feel alive and blessed with opportunities innumerable. My counselor celebrates the breakthrough this points to for me. The prison of PTSD is falling down around me and I feel free. And I am 35. And I love it.